Have you found that you’ve been angry a lot lately? Here’s a high performance coaching tip to keep those raging emotions in check!
Anger is stimulated only by two things, an internal event or an external event. An external event such as disappointment, being late for an appointment, angry drivers, travel plans, and the list goes on. An internal event such as past events which caused trauma or an event that caused past emotional triggering. Either way, anger is an emotion that we are all familiar with and we express it because of only three reasons. When you understand these three reasons through this high performance coaching tip, it can assist you in taking the power out of the punch of anger.
Anger is a natural response when we get what we DIDN’T want or expect; anger is an emotion which allows us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked or to be heard so that we get want we want or expect.
There are three ways to express anger; aggressive expressing, suppressing, and processing. Expressing anger in an attacking, aggressive manner is what causes many people to fear anger. Suppressing anger is unhealthy for yourself, causes short-term sadness, distrust, loneliness and in the long run may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. The healthiest way to handle your anger and other people is processing it through, understanding WHY you’re angry. This is what we are aiming to get from this high-performance coaching tip.
Anger is an emotion that arises for only three reasons. First, there are feelings of hurt. Second, there are feelings of worry. Third, feelings of disrespect.
Knowing this, you can cut through anger very quickly. Here are some tips to help you in your process.
- If someone is expressing anger, stay centered and don’t express anger back. (The anger that is being expressed is usually NOT the issue anyways!)
- While the anger is being expressed, listen to the gist of the anger. Decide which of the reasons for their anger. Are they feeling hurt, worried, or disrespected?
- Then ask about their (Hurt, Worry, or Disrespect); example: “I can see that your feelings are hurt, I understand.” “I hear that you are worried, what is it exactly that you are worried about?” or “In that situation, I can see how you would feel disrespected. How would you have handled the situation differently?”
When anger is being expressed, people want to feel heard, yet they usually don’t know WHY and WHAT they are truly angry about. Being a good friend to yourself and others is understanding the three reasons for anger. You can assist yourself and others to feel heard and understood and find peace so much faster when you understand the anger.
Compassionately understanding the anger and explicitly getting to the bottom of anger doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others and doing your part in creating a more peaceful inner and outer world.